Tag: truth

The Dreaded Question (s)

Alexandra Langstaff4 Comments

“How often do you practice yoga?”

Whenever mom’s bored with my conversation, she asks me. So I get it a lot.

I know she means a physical practice but I always go the philosophical route with my answer. It’s sort of a game.

“Every day” I reply.

“Really.” She looks up from the needlepoint chair cushion she’s been working on forever. Her eyebrows are raised in question and with slight skepticism. (I’d find every day hard to believe myself.)

“My practice is less physical and more mental. That’s harder.”

“Good answer slacker”, someone, somewhere is saying, or maybe that’s just me.

I think mom’d rather a more athletic response. At 95, she’s still addicted to exercise and doesn’t understand why her children aren’t following directly in her never ending footsteps. Or maybe she’s checking my sincerity. Will I say the same thing over the years? Is it a real commitment to yoga, like some hold with religion or favored book genres? Or am I faking that I know what I’m doing and what I believe in?

The last time she checked on my true devotion to something was when I said I was going to take a gap year after high school. She asked me a few times what I was going to do instead. My answers were all over the map, yet they included nothing around the map. 

I didn’t know where I was heading or how, and somehow mom knew I wasn’t yet ready to flow with the world.  I was lucky to be offered 4 years of college to hone some directional skills instead.

Her  questions then and now are good reminders for me to take stock.

Am I following my authentic self with knowledge and direction?

Do I know what I’m doing?

The last time she asked about the frequency of my practice, I had put some thought into my answer and was prepared.

“When I get tailgated on the road and I don’t react by slamming on the brakes, I’m practicing yoga. 

I’m practicing when I patiently collaborate, or agree to do something I have no interest in doing.

When I do any kind of manual labor for longer than 20 minutes, or add  kale to my breakfast smoothie, I’m practicing yoga.

When I clarify a misunderstanding or share a brownie, it all counts as part of my practice.

When we are committed to yoga, it’s a full time way of being.”

Mom nods her head in agreement with my monologue. My response sounds authentic to us both, with just a touch of predictable laziness on my part.

How often do you practice? Mom wants to know.

Noticing a yoga shape counts as practicing yoga.

Two Truths and a Lie

Alexandra Langstaff2 Comments

Two truths and a lie has been used as an icebreaker for at least two generations.  Colleagues, fellow workshop attendees, and slumber party guests get to know each other by guessing which of three statements is false. It’s a good way to see who is up for stimulating conversation and who couldn’t care less. 

The latter says something like this-

  • I’m afraid of snakes.
  • I’m afraid of mice.
  • I’m afraid of bats.

All statements could be true but which one isn’t? You don’t get much personal information here except that the person is a scaredy cat or purposely private. I suppose it could be a conversation starter but not necessarily a long or interesting one. Thank you for sharing.

The former, the stimulator, likes to tease the audience with tidbits of information, and their fib is usually one with a variation on the truth rather than a baldfaced lie.

  • I gave the Bicentennial speech on the town green when I was 17.
  • I came in 1st in a ski race where everyone else fell or lost a ski.
  • A guy gave me a bloody nose in a disco in Italy.

Actually I came in 4th, twenty seconds behind 3rd place, she finished the race on one ski after falling.

All three declarations are more intriguing. We’re talking (possibly) about a history of public speaking, international travel, and athletic prowess.

I’d much rather talk about innocent assaults in nightclubs than snakes any day.

My blond haired friend came up with a third option which essentially wrecks the game. The idea is to say things that are totally inappropriate and ridiculous.

  • I never tip more than 10% at a restaurant.
  • I slept with my best friend’s husband yesterday.
  • I think no lives matter.
  • I have red hair.

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot it’s just two truths not three.”

Obviously the speaker doesn’t have red hair, but what does that mean? Who is this person? 

This is an opportunity to show the people who you aren’t. Not great as an icebreaker, but then again…

There’s a writing prompt that I ignore, “Write about something you’ve never told anyone”. Why would I ignore responding to this invasion of privacy? Is it because 

  • I could go to jail?
  • I think writing prompts are stupid?
  • I’m afraid you will look at me differently?

No matter which are true and which is false, it’s none of your business.

When you publish a book or a blog, writing is an icebreaker. You will either bore people to death, inspire conversation, or notice averted eyes when you are at the grocery store. Wait! Are we still playing two truths and a lie?

Namaste- Pinocchio rules! Can I get a Hurray?!

The Elephant in the Room

Alexandra Langstaff2 Comments

There’s an old story about 5 blind men who have no idea what an elephant is, until they are given the opportunity to explore, one by one.

The first feels its tail and reports back, “It’s nothing but a rope”.

The second feels a leg and says, “No you idiot, it’s a tree”.

Third man feels the ear, “What are you thinking, it’s a fan”.

Fourth feels its side and says, “Oh for Pete’s sake, it’s a wall”.

The fifth feels the trunk and says, “What are you all, blind?! It’s a snake”.

What we believe to be true is made up by our experiences and perceptions. Often we don’t appreciate the thoughts or opinions of others because, we feel we know what is true and real, even when some of our senses are hindered.

Dee and I often wonder how people describe us, especially after we’ve made a comment like, “She’s so nice” or “He’s a dope”, about someone else.

“I wonder if anyone thinks I’m nice… or sweet?”, she asks.

“Do you mean as in a sweet old lady? It’s not like you bake or anything”, I reply.

“Christie does think you’re funny though”, I add to be kind.

“Well, Diane said someone called me aloof. Is that a good thing?”

“Probably better than a know-it-all. Do you ever have those times where everyone is talking but you? Do people think I’m a good listener or just stupid?”, I ask somewhat rhetorically, which is my wont.

Being sisters, we can, tirelessly, have this same conversation at least every 6 weeks and never really come to any conclusion.

It’s interesting to wonder how we could be described by others. Chances are the descriptions would be based on the way they know us, as family members, friends, co-workers, students, opponents, teachers, parents, or partners.

“The whole is greater than a sum of its parts” is often, incorrectly, attributed to Aristotle. He wrote something similar but more complicated. None-the-less, the simplified version makes for a nice bumper sticker.

We are all multifaceted and sometimes it takes a while for the big picture to emerge. Letting go of the pieces we believe to be true about a person or a situation can be enlightening.

Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for everyone to get it together and see that I’m not just the ass end of an elephant. “Would you let go of my damn tail and check out my ears? They listen. And the wall you think you feel is just a thin layer of skin making sure my innards don’t fall out.”

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

Perhaps the solution comes by patiently paying attention to ourselves just a little bit more. Notice a consistency or lack there of, in thoughts, words and deeds, in all situations. When we shed light on the truth in ourselves, it’s easier to find it in others, no matter what the relationship.

Then there’s this:

Five blind elephants were discussing what a man was. They plainly had no idea. One day they decided to investigate.

The first elephant went into a tent where a man was reported to be. When she came out she said, “Men are flat”.

The other four went in and after they came out they said, “Yes, you were right”.

Give it a minute.

Namaste- move that blindfold out of the way.

Finders Keepers?

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The Nestle’s Quik tin was kept in a corner cupboard and to reach it required getting up on to the counter. I don’t remember when we were allowed to make chocolate milk by ourselves but it must have been after Had, Dee and I stopped spilling milk at dinner.
At least weekly one of us was banished to the kitchen to finish eating alone. I can still see me and my red Captain Kangaroo cup shunned until dinner was over. Something about milk dripping through the slats of the dining room table drove Mom crazy.
One day while pulling out the chocolate powder I noticed a red wallet. Inside was a ten dollar bill. Obviously I had discovered treasure. Finders keepers.
A few days later Had announced he had been robbed. THAT WAS HIS WALLET? 
I was mortified so of course I denied knowing anything about it. Apparently there was no doubt that Dee and I were innocent so interestingly the subject was dropped. I remembered thinking “phew, that was easy”.

Twenty years later, in a moment of pleasant sibling inebriation, I confessed to Had.
“Here’s ten bucks, I swear I didn’t know it was your wallet, don’t tell Mom”,

Even after all this time I was afraid of Mom’s reaction but assumed my secret would be kept. 

It wasn’t.

“I can’t believe you stole that money”, Mom said. “I was sure Keath took it so he was never invited to stay here again”.
Cousin Keath, from Kentucky, was an Eagle Scout and why she ever thought him capable of theft still astounds me. He was excellent at building tree houses and making spears. A couple of convicts escaped from Comstock Prison that summer so the spears were protection when going upstairs to bed.
For a short time I thought I should apologize to him, but didn’t. Look where the last confession got me.
My exciting discovery and subsequent shame followed years later by a drunken confession and more shame still wakes me up periodically in the middle of the night. My action and non-action affected so many people. Had was sad. Mom was mad. Keath was confused. Dee was relieved not to be a part of the story.
Asteya and Satya are two of the five Yamas that remind us how to engage with ourselves and the world around us. These two encourage non-stealing and truthfulness.
“I’m surprised I didn’t realize you were lying”, Mom said. “Usually your face gets beet red”.
That did it. Those two Yamas became ingrained. (Mama’s Yamas). When I find money on the ground, or anywhere, I either leave it or give it to the next person I see. I’m not taking any chances at having my face turn the color of Had’s wallet.

Namaste- find a treasure, give it away.

I’m so pretend busy.

Alexandra Langstaff2 Comments

I like being busy as much as I like sitting on the couch with a book. My to-do lists are long. My pile of books is big. Lists keep me organized and books keep me distracted.
Today’s List

Write the nieces.

Make up a dance about popcorn.

Vacuum the kitchen.

Plant some peas.

Check on IRS refund.

Think about a new business card.

Walk with Candy.

Buy candy.

Call Franny.

Plan another get-rich-quick scheme.

Do homework.

Teach 3 kids classes.

Teach 2 adult classes.

Some things on the list need immediate attention. Most of them don’t. Those that fall in the latter category are in bold. I like having a picture of things I have to do and reminder of things I’ll get to when I feel like it. 
Horribly paraphrasing Stephen Covey in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, there are 4 categories of stuff we have to do.

1. Important and urgent.

2. Important but not urgent.

3. Not important but urgent.

4. Not important not urgent.

Rumor has it we compile list #3 a lot whether on paper or in our heads. Put “I must, need or have to” in front of any of your (my) list items and it changes everything. It adds urgency where it may not be necessary. That’s being pretend busy.
And that leads to being so-stressed out, it’s no longer acceptable to be simply stressed, we need to be so-stressed.
At what point did being super busy or highly stressed become such a sought after human condition? When did we become inundated with talking about all the stuff we have to do ? Wouldn’t it be better to take the time spent mulling over our busyness and read Mad Magazine on the couch for a few minutes?
Don’t get me wrong. There are times I like making mountains out of molehills. I do that so others will feel sorry for me. They will cut me some slack for not completing my to-dos. The thing is they didn’t make up the list, I did. 
Satya (saht-ya) the second Yama, is truthfulness. Be truthful to ourselves and others. 
You: “I am so stressed out, I have so much to do before the weekend.”
Me (not practicing Satya): “I hear you!”

My reply intimates that I am as stressed and as busy as you.  No way I’m going to admit that I’m looking forward to an afternoon with Georgia on the sofa. If you’re busy I am too. So I’m not being truthful.
Remember yoga is not just a physical practice, it’s a mental one. It takes practice to hone down our lists and focus on what is really important. Cut yourself some slack and redo your to-do list. What’s really important? What’s really urgent? Be truthful. What must you do today and what do you get to do today?

New list:

Breath in.  Breath out. Repeat.

Namaste- Georgia and I are lying on the porch today!